New Years resolutions that stick
Talking resolutions that stick with Great Day Washington’s Kristen Berset Harris and Ellen Bryan. Click image above to watch the full video.
I had the opportunity to join Great Day Washington and speak with hosts Kristen Berset-Harris and Ellen Bryan about New Years resolutions that stick and my belief that they need to start with joy, connection and freedom.
Here are my notes:
Most New Year’s resolutions have lapsed after just a couple of weeks. How do we set resolutions that last?
There are three keys for me to resolutions or commitments that last: joy freedom and connection.
I don’t often think of resolutions as bringing joy, at least not in the short term. Why is joy important?
Brene Brown says that most challenges we face require a practice, not a checklist. In other words, successful resolutions require consistency over time, and that requires joy. Suffering is not sustainable. Therefore our first commitment needs to be to joy.
A recent found that the average woman has been on 61 diets by the age of 45? How is that possible? Because diets don’t work. Statistically diets best predict future weight gain because they fail and people gain all the weight back plus more. If health is a practice, if it is something we need to commit to for the rest of our lives, not just a few weeks, then it needs to be sustainable and that means it needs to bring us joy.
What brings me joy? This Baharat roasted chicken with onions, mushrooms, parsley and preserved lemon that I developed on my fall retreat in Colorado is exactly the kind of food I can commit to eating every day.
You mentioned connection next, but I usually think of resolutions as isolating — you stay home from the bar to avoid drinking or eat your salad at your desk rather than joining co-workers to go out for lunch.
First, Connection has practical impact. Dr. Gail Mattews states that having an accountability partner we connect with weekly, increases the stickiness of our goals from 43 to 76%.
Connection serves a second purpose. I believe it is the greatest source of joy in our lives. Sharing meals has been shown to improve what we eat and our digestion. But we can’t always eat together. When we cook food from people we know we never eat alone. We can also cook foods that connect us to our history or culture.
Growing up we often ate at a Chinese restaurant owned by a grad-school classmate of my father. Fried rice connects me with Mr. Chang and with my family. Making it at home lets me load it up with vegetables. Today I used snow peas, winter greens and wild mushrooms. Making it at home also means I don’t order twice as much as I need, which I often do when ordering delivery.
Talk about freedom, because I usually think about making resolutions as restricting — eating less, not drinking or showing up to the gym every day.
Freedom isn’t about the choices we make but where they come from, how we think about them. Successful resolutions are free from shame, self doubt and shoulds, leaving us free to choose the resolutions that bring us joy and to be fully present in connection with each other.
Shame isn’t a lasting motivation. Neither is self doubt or shoulds — you should be thinner, fitter or wear smaller clothes. You, me, everyone watching, are perfect right now exactly as we are. We can choose to make changes because we want to, but we don’t need to make them as a condition of being worthy or being loved, respected or valued. We elevate our lives through freedom and setting goals from a place of worthiness is sustainable.
This white bean, kale and tomato soup could easily be the “healthy” dish I think I’m supposed to be eating in front of coworkers and family but, free of shame and shoulds, it is what I am eating because it is delicious. I also love outdoor activity and foods like this give me the energy and don’t leave me feeling weighed down so I can get in plenty of winter hiking.
